Feeling like you're always the problem in relationships often stems from patterns of taking excessive responsibility for others' emotions and reactions, usually developed in childhood. You might have grown up in an environment where you were frequently blamed for family problems, told you were too sensitive, or made to feel responsible for others' happiness. This creates a deep belief that when things go wrong, it must be your fault. People-pleasing tendencies can reinforce this pattern - when you're constantly trying to keep others happy and conflicts still arise, you might conclude that you're the source of the problem.
You might also have a tendency to over-analyze your own behavior while giving others the benefit of the doubt, leading to an unbalanced view of relationship dynamics. Past relationships with manipulative or emotionally abusive people can intensify this feeling, as these individuals often use blame and guilt to avoid taking responsibility for their own behavior. You might have internalized their criticism and now apply it to all your relationships. Low self-esteem can also make you more likely to accept blame and less likely to recognize when others are contributing to problems. The truth is that relationship issues are almost always mutual - both people contribute to patterns and dynamics, even if in different ways.
Healthy relationships involve both people taking responsibility for their part without one person carrying all the blame. Start paying attention to whether you're taking responsibility for things that aren't actually your fault, like others' emotional reactions or choices. Practice recognizing when others are deflecting responsibility or using guilt to avoid accountability. Consider that if you were truly always the problem, you probably wouldn't be so concerned about it - people who consistently cause problems are usually less self-aware and reflective.