What should I do if my partner has anger issues?
Relationships & Communication
Living with a partner who has anger issues can be frightening, exhausting, and emotionally damaging.
Living with a partner who has managing anger issues can be frightening, exhausting, and emotionally damaging. While everyone gets angry sometimes, persistent anger management problems that affect the relationship and your wellbeing require serious attention and often professional intervention.
Prioritize your safety above all else. If your partner's anger issues involves physical violence, threats of violence, or behavior that makes you fear for your safety, you need to develop a safety plan and consider leaving the relationship. Domestic violence often escalates over time, and your safety is more important than the relationship.
Distinguish between normal anger management and problematic anger patterns. Everyone gets angry occasionally, but anger becomes a problem when it's frequent, intense, disproportionate to the situation, involves verbal or physical aggression, or is used to control or intimidate you.
Avoid trying to manage, fix, or control your partner's anger. You cannot make someone else manage their emotions better, and attempting to do so often leads to walking on eggshells, changing your behavior to avoid triggering them, or taking responsibility for their emotional regulation.
Set clear Personal boundaries about what behavior you will and won't accept. This might include refusing to engage when they're yelling, leaving the room during angry outbursts, or stating that you won't tolerate name-calling or threats. Be prepared to follow through on these Personal boundaries consistently.
Don't take your partner's anger personally, even when it's directed at you. Anger problems usually stem from the angry person's own issues, Psychological stress, or inability to regulate emotions effectively. However, understanding this doesn't mean you have to tolerate abusive behavior.
Encourage your partner to seek professional help for their anger issues, but don't make this your responsibility. Anger management counseling, Psychotherapy, or other professional interventions can be effective, but your partner must be willing to acknowledge the problem and commit to getting help.
Document incidents of concerning behavior, especially if there's any physical aggression or threats. Keep records of dates, times, and what happened. This documentation may be important if you need to seek legal protection or if the situation escalates.
Build and maintain your support system. Don't isolate yourself or hide your partner's anger problems from trusted friends and family. Having people who understand your situation and can provide support is crucial for your emotional wellbeing.
Consider couples Psychotherapy only if there's no physical violence and your partner acknowledges their anger problem. However, be aware that couples Psychotherapy is not recommended in abusive Interpersonal relationship, as it can sometimes escalate violence.
Take care of your own mental health and consider individual Psychotherapy to help you process the Psychological stress and Psychological trauma of living with someone who has anger issues. The constant Psychological stress of dealing with an angry partner can lead to Anxiety disorder, Major depressive disorder, and other mental health problems.
Develop a safety plan if you're concerned about escalation. This includes identifying safe places you can go, keeping important documents accessible, having emergency contacts ready, and knowing how to quickly leave if necessary.
Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness in your relationship. Living in fear of your partner's anger or constantly managing their emotions is not normal or healthy, and you have the right to seek safety and happiness.