What may be happening
Self-harm—such as cutting, burning, or hitting oneself—is often used to manage overwhelming emotions, numbness, shame, or distress. It does not always mean your teen wants to die, but it does signal they need help coping. Discovery can trigger panic, anger, or blame. Your teen may fear judgment or punishment, which can make them hide the behavior. A compassionate first response helps preserve trust.
What can help
Approach calmly. Say you are concerned and want to help, not punish. Ask direct, nonjudgmental questions about what they do, how often, and what tends to happen before it. Do not demand they promise to stop immediately; that can increase secrecy. Instead, work together on safer coping strategies and professional support. Reduce access to means where reasonably possible and supervise if acute risk is high. Contact a therapist or counselor who works with adolescents and self-harm. Your pediatrician or school counselor can help with referrals.
Educate yourself about self-harm so you can respond without shame-based reactions. Let your teen know your love is unconditional and that recovery is possible with support.
When to get support
Go to the emergency room or call 911 if injury is severe, bleeding will not stop, or your teen expresses suicidal intent. In the U. S. , call or text 988 if they disclose thoughts of suicide or you fear they cannot stay safe. Do not leave them alone if immediate danger is present. Schedule professional evaluation as soon as possible even when the situation is not an emergency—self-harm rarely resolves without treatment and coping support.