How do I stop being so clingy and needy in relationships?
Attachment Styles & Relationship Dynamics
Clinginess often stems from anxiety about abandonment; building self-worth and learning to self-soothe can reduce desperate attachment behaviors.
Clinginess in Interpersonal relationship typically stems from anxious Attachment theory patterns and deep fears about being abandoned or rejected. When you feel clingy, you're usually trying to control the relationship to feel safe, but this often has the opposite effect of pushing people away. The root of clingy behavior is often low finding identity/building-self-worth" class="internal-link">self-esteem and a belief that you need constant reassurance from others to feel okay about yourself. This might show up as needing frequent contact, getting upset when plans change, analyzing every text message for signs of rejection, or feeling panicked when your partner wants space. The first step in changing this pattern is developing a stronger sense of self outside of your Interpersonal relationship. Cultivate your own interests, friendships, and goals so that your romantic relationship isn't carrying the full weight of your emotional needs. Learn to self-soothe when Anxiety disorder about the relationship arises rather than immediately seeking reassurance from your partner. Practice tolerating uncertainty - Interpersonal relationship inherently involve some level of unknown, and trying to control every aspect will exhaust both you and your partner. Work on building your identity development/building-self-worth" class="internal-link">self-esteem through Psychotherapy, self-compassion practices, and challenging negative self-talk. When you feel the urge to be clingy, pause and ask yourself what you're really afraid of, then address that fear directly rather than acting it out through controlling behaviors.