What may be happening
You may freeze, appease, or flee at the first sign of tension. Childhood or past relationships where conflict meant danger can wire avoidance as safety.
What can help
Start with low-stakes disagreements—preferences, schedules—to build tolerance. Use "I" statements and focus on one issue at a time. Agree on ground rules: no name-calling, timeouts, return to repair. Practice staying physically present—breathing, feet on floor—during tension. Debrief after conflicts: what worked, what hurt, how to try differently. Distinguish unsafe conflict (threats, contempt) from uncomfortable but repairable friction.
When to get support
Consider professional support if symptoms persistently interfere with daily life, relationships, or safety. Seek urgent help if you are having thoughts of self-harm or feel unable to stay safe; in the U. S. , call or text 988. Seek therapy immediately if conflict includes violence, threats, or coercive control; call 988 or emergency services if you feel unsafe.