What may be happening
Fear of abandonment and emotional intensity can make limit-setting feel dangerous to both of you. They may escalate when you say no; you may guilt yourself into giving in. Without boundaries, resentment and burnout often damage the relationship more than clear limits would.
What can help
Define concrete boundaries: "I will step away if voices are raised" or "I can't lend money I haven't been repaid." Discuss expectations during calm moments, not mid-crisis. Use compassionate language that names your need, not their flaw. Follow through every time—predictability builds trust over time. Encourage their professional treatment without making yourself their therapist. Get your own support to process guilt and stay consistent.
When to get support
Seek urgent help if you or someone else is having thoughts of self-harm or suicide, feel unable to stay safe, or symptoms are rapidly worsening. In the U. S. , call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, go to the nearest emergency room, or call 911 if you are in immediate danger. Also seek help if you feel unsafe, threats or self-harm manipulation are frequent, or you need guidance on crisis planning—consider therapy or family education resources.