How do I deal with people who trigger my urge to use substances?

Question

Deeper Global · Accepted Answer

Dealing with people who trigger your urge to use substances is one of the most challenging aspects of maintaining recovery, especially when these people are family members, coworkers, or others you can't easily avoid. Learning to manage these relationships while protecting your sobriety requires clear boundaries and strong coping strategies.

Identify specifically what it is about certain people that triggers you. Is it their behavior when they're using substances, their attitude toward your recovery, their tendency to pressure you to use, or simply the memories and associations you have with them from your using days? Understanding the specific triggers helps you develop targeted strategies.

Set clear boundaries about what interactions you will and won't have with triggering people. This might include not spending time with them when they're using substances, avoiding certain topics of conversation, or limiting contact to specific settings where you feel safer.

Prepare responses in advance for situations where these people might pressure you to use substances or make comments about your recovery. Having ready responses like "I'm not drinking anymore" or "My recovery is important to me" helps you respond confidently rather than being caught off guard.

Consider whether some relationships need to be ended or significantly limited, especially if the person consistently undermines your recovery or refuses to respect your boundaries. Your sobriety is more important than maintaining any particular relationship.

Practice assertiveness skills to communicate your boundaries clearly and confidently. This includes learning to say no without extensive explanations, expressing your needs directly, and standing firm when people try to push your boundaries.

Develop coping strategies for before, during, and after interactions with triggering people. Before seeing them, remind yourself of your recovery goals and practice grounding techniques. During interactions, stay focused on your boundaries and have an exit plan. After difficult interactions, process your emotions with supportive people.

Build a strong support network of people who understand and support your recovery. Having positive relationships helps balance the stress of dealing with triggering people and provides you with alternative social connections.

Consider having a supportive person accompany you when you must interact with triggering individuals. This might be appropriate for family gatherings or other situations where you can't avoid the person but could use additional support.

Learn to separate your emotional reactions from your actions. You might feel angry, sad, or triggered by certain people, but you can choose how to respond to these feelings. Feeling triggered doesn't mean you have to act on those feelings.

Practice self-care before and after interactions with triggering people. This might include extra meetings, therapy sessions, exercise, meditation, or other activities that help you maintain your emotional balance and recovery focus.

Remember that you can't control other people's behavior, but you can control your own responses and choices. Focus your energy on what you can control rather than trying to change triggering people or make them understand your recovery.