How do I deal with feeling like everyone else has it figured out?

Question

Deeper Global · Accepted Answer

The feeling that everyone else has life figured out while you're still struggling is one of the most isolating experiences, but it's based on a fundamental misunderstanding of how human experience works. You're comparing your internal reality - complete with doubts, fears, mistakes, and confusion - to others' external presentations, which are carefully curated and edited versions of their actual experience. Social media intensifies this illusion by showing you everyone's highlight reels simultaneously, creating the false impression that others are constantly confident, successful, and living their best lives. The truth is that everyone is making it up as they go along to some degree. Even the most successful and seemingly confident people have moments of doubt, make mistakes, and struggle with uncertainty about their choices and direction. The difference is that most people don't share their struggles publicly, so you don't see the anxiety before the big presentation, the relationship problems behind the happy couple photos, or the financial stress behind the vacation posts. Imposter syndrome contributes to this feeling by making you believe that you're the only one who doesn't know what they're doing, while everyone else is naturally competent and confident. The reality is that life is inherently uncertain and complex, and there's no instruction manual for how to navigate it perfectly. What looks like having it figured out from the outside is often just people doing their best with the information and resources they have, just like you are. Instead of comparing yourself to others' external presentations, focus on your own growth and progress. Celebrate the things you have learned and the challenges you've overcome. Remember that confidence often comes from experience, and everyone is at different stages of their journey with different lessons learned and different challenges faced.