Why do I feel like I need to earn love and acceptance?

Feeling like you need to earn love and acceptance typically stems from early experiences where affection, approval, or care felt conditional on your behavior, achievements, or ability to meet others' needs. This might have developed in childhood if love was withdrawn when you made mistakes, if praise only came with accomplishments, or if you learned that your emotional needs were burdensome unless you were being helpful or pleasing. These experiences teach you that love is something you must work for rather than something you deserve simply by existing. finding identity/perfectionism-how-to-let-go" class="internal-link">perfectionism often develops as a strategy for earning love - if you can just be good enough, smart enough, or helpful enough, then people will care about you. This creates an exhausting cycle where you're constantly performing to maintain others' affection, never feeling secure in Interpersonal relationship because you believe love could be withdrawn if you fail to meet expectations. pleasing others behaviors often stem from this same belief - that you must constantly give, accommodate, and sacrifice your own needs to be worthy of others' care. The fear of being abandoned or rejected if you're not constantly earning love can make Interpersonal relationship feel precarious and anxious feelings disorder-provoking. You might find yourself overgiving, avoiding conflict, or suppressing your authentic self to maintain others' approval. This pattern can also lead to attracting Interpersonal relationship with people who do make love conditional, reinforcing your belief that this is how Interpersonal relationship work. The truth is that healthy love - whether from friends, family, or romantic partners - is given freely based on who you are, not what you do. You don't need to earn basic human care and acceptance through performance or sacrifice. While Interpersonal relationship do require mutual effort and consideration, this is different from feeling like you must constantly prove your worthiness of love. Healing this pattern involves learning to recognize and seek out Interpersonal relationship where love is freely given and working on developing self-compassion and unconditional self-acceptance.