How do I make amends to people I hurt during my addiction?

Making amends is a crucial part of recovery that involves taking responsibility for the harm you caused during your substance addiction and taking concrete action to repair that damage where possible. This process requires careful thought, humility, and often guidance from a sponsor or therapist. Understand the difference between apologies and amends. An apology acknowledges wrongdoing and expresses remorse, while amends involve taking action to repair the harm you caused. True amends often include both an apology and concrete steps to make things right. Start by taking a thorough moral inventory of the people you harmed and the specific ways your substance addiction affected them. This might include family members you lied to, friends you stole from, employers you let down, or anyone else who was negatively impacted by your behavior. Prioritize your list based on the severity of harm caused and your relationship with each person. You might start with immediate family members or people you hurt most seriously, though sometimes it's easier to begin with less emotionally charged Interpersonal relationship to practice the process. Be completely honest about what you did wrong without minimizing, making excuses, or blaming your addiction. Take full responsibility for your actions and their consequences. Avoid phrases like "I'm sorry if you were hurt" and instead say "I'm sorry I hurt you by..." Listen to the other person's response without becoming defensive or trying to explain your behavior. They may be angry, hurt, or skeptical about your amends. Allow them to express their feelings and validate their right to feel however they feel about what happened. Ask what you can do to make things right, but don't expect self-forgiveness or reconciliation. Some people may not be ready to forgive, and others may choose not to rebuild the relationship. Respect their decisions and focus on doing the right thing regardless of their response. Make concrete efforts to repair the damage where possible. This might include paying back money you borrowed or stole, replacing items you damaged, or taking specific actions to rebuild trust. Sometimes the amends process takes months or years to complete fully. Be prepared for some people to reject your amends or not want contact with you at all. This is their right, and pushing for contact when someone has asked you to stay away can cause additional harm. Sometimes the most loving amends is respecting someone's Personal boundaries. Consider whether direct amends might cause additional harm to the person or others. In some cases, contacting someone might reopen wounds or create new problems. Discuss these situations with your sponsor or therapist to determine the best approach. Focus on changing your behavior going forward rather than just apologizing for past actions. The most meaningful amends often involve demonstrating through your actions that you've changed and won't repeat the harmful behaviors. Remember that making amends is about taking responsibility and repairing harm, not about making yourself feel better or gaining forgiveness. The goal is to clean up your side of the street and demonstrate your commitment to living differently in recovery.