How do I handle holidays and family gatherings with an addicted relative?

Question

Deeper Global · Accepted Answer

Family gatherings and holidays can be particularly challenging when you have a relative struggling with addiction. These events often involve alcohol, can be stressful, and may trigger conflicts or uncomfortable situations. Planning ahead can help you navigate these occasions while protecting your wellbeing and that of other family members.

Decide in advance whether to invite your addicted relative and under what conditions. You might choose to invite them only if they're sober, allow them to attend but leave if they arrive intoxicated, or decide not to invite them at all if their presence would create too much stress or danger.

Set clear expectations and boundaries before the event. If you decide to include them, communicate your expectations clearly: no substance use at the event, respectful behavior toward other family members, and consequences if these expectations aren't met.

Plan for various scenarios that might occur. Have a plan for what you'll do if they arrive intoxicated, become disruptive, or try to bring substances to the event. Decide who will handle the situation and what the consequences will be.

Consider the impact on other family members, especially children. Children shouldn't have to witness intoxicated or disruptive behavior at family gatherings. Their comfort and safety should be a priority in your planning.

Limit or eliminate alcohol at family gatherings if it would be helpful. While you shouldn't have to change your entire celebration because of one person's addiction, reducing triggers can sometimes make events more manageable for everyone.

Have support available during the event. This might mean having a trusted family member who can help handle difficult situations, or having phone numbers ready for people you can call if you need support or advice.

Prepare other family members, especially children, for what might happen. Age-appropriate conversations about why Uncle Joe might not be coming to dinner or why Aunt Sarah might have to leave early can help children understand and feel more secure.

Focus on enjoying the people who are present and engaged rather than dwelling on the problems created by addiction. Don't let one person's addiction ruin the celebration for everyone else.

Be prepared to ask your addicted relative to leave if their behavior becomes inappropriate. Have a plan for how this will happen and who will handle it. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is enforce consequences for unacceptable behavior.

Take care of your own emotional needs during and after family gatherings. These events can be emotionally draining when addiction is involved, so make sure you have support and self-care strategies in place.

Remember that you have the right to enjoy family celebrations without chaos or disruption. Setting boundaries around family gatherings isn't mean—it's necessary for maintaining family relationships and traditions.