How do I deal with mismatched libidos in my relationship?

Question

Deeper Global · Accepted Answer

Mismatched libidos are one of the most common relationship challenges, and they can create significant stress if not addressed openly and compassionately. It's important to understand that neither the higher-libido nor lower-libido partner is wrong - you simply have different needs and drives. The key is finding ways to meet both people's needs without coercion or resentment. Start by having honest conversations about your needs, desires, and any factors that might be affecting your libido (stress, medications, health issues, relationship dynamics). The higher-libido partner needs to understand that pressuring or guilting their partner will likely decrease desire even further, while the lower-libido partner needs to recognize that physical intimacy is often how their partner feels loved and connected. Look for compromises that work for both of you - this might include scheduling intimate time, exploring different types of physical connection beyond intercourse, or finding ways for the higher-libido partner to meet some of their needs independently. Address any underlying issues that might be affecting libido, such as stress, poor communication, unresolved conflicts, or medical factors. Consider couples therapy with a sex-positive therapist who can help you navigate these conversations and find solutions that work for your specific situation. Remember that libidos can change over time due to various factors, so this may require ongoing communication and adjustment.